Wednesday, August 12, 2015

The Death of My Gay Friend

I had a friend (we shall call him Kevin) who died a few months ago, at 25 years of age.  His cause of death is not mentioned, but I can assume it was either suicide, drug overdose, or a sudden illness.  His mother wrote that he, "went to bed and did not wake up," so at first I thought it could be a heart problem, but then I saw where one of her friends had talked about a different boy who "went to bed and did not wake up" and I see that Kevin's mother simply took and copied those words as her own so she would not have to explain what actually happened.   Certainly, I suspect it was suicide.

Kevin was gay and became a freethinker, and most likely an atheist.  He never achieved his academic goals, and I doubt he was employed.  His great intelligence was not being used, and I am sure it frustrated him.  He "met me" on YouTube in the comments section of a Human Rights video, and he supported me because he could tell from my exasperation at responding to a troll that I was new to the Internet.  It was so cute that he was taking care of me!  Later on, Kevin said he wished I were his grandma – I chuckled a bit because I didn’t think I was that elderly looking, and imagined myself more of a mom figure.  But the grandma persona was a real compliment and I wish I could have been his grandma too! 

His family was very religious and what I did not know until after his death is that he had a twin who is a born again fundamentalist Christian.  I did know he had family issues because of religion and because he was homosexual.  His mother seemed supportive of him, but also was very religious.  

His Facebook page has been turned into a Memorial page, and all the people say they will “See you in Heaven” and “I believe in the power of Jesus!”  It is funny how some of them probably told Kevin he would suffer in Hell when he was alive because he was gay, but once they missed him after his death, they wrote "Kevin will be waiting for us in Heaven.” 

The top of Kevin's page shows the flying spaghetti monster as his profile landscape picture (because they probably can’t change it).  Kevin knew who he was, but now that he has left, the comments have all become religious.  I do not respond to them because these people are grieving.  The mother is so sad and I am sure guilt plays a part in all of the family’s grief.  Yet they turn to one of the main causes of Kevin's turmoil – their religion.  For them, it is the strongest comfort they can have, and they do not see the contradiction in worshiping “the god who does all things and took their son away.”  I “like” their comments to give them support, and know there are times to fight religion and times to let people do what they need to do.  I miss Kevin too, and that is what his FB page is about now.

I grieved quite a bit myself, as I truly liked this young lad.  He will always be remembered, with his true personality and thoughts.  We had great conversations together.  I am thankful to have met him online and to have been his friend and “grandma!” 

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